High-Conflict People and Blamespeak

September 16, 2013

finalcover_thumbHas anyone ever told you:

  • “It’s all YOUR fault!”
  • “You should be ashamed of yourself!”
  • “You’re a disgrace to your _________________!”[family][community][country][team][profession][party][you fill in the blank]
  • “What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Stupid? Immoral? Unethical? Evil?”
  • And then were you told everything that’s “wrong” with you and how you should behave?

Let’s face it. Most of us have said something like this when we “lost it” – hopefully not too often. But some people communicate this way a lot! It’s helpful to know that their personal attacks are not about you. They are about the blamer’s inability to control himself and solve problems.

BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm )response can be applied in any communication anywhere – on the Internet, in a letter or in person. It can be used at work, earning you respect and success. It can help you get along with difficult family members, friends, neighbors and others anywhere in your life. BIFF was designed to protect you and your reputation by responding quickly and civilly to people who treat you rudely – while being reasonable in return.

About Unhooked Books
Unhooked Books is the one place for people to find the best and most current information and resources available on personality disorders, high-conflict personalities, divorce, parenting, co-parenting, living healthy, eating healthy, and managing your life. Founder & CEO, Megan Hunter, established one place for people in any type of relationship to find tools to enhance relationships, prevent relationship disaster and handle relationship transition. Her firm belief is that with just a little education, most people can resolve most relationship issues.


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