Splitting: a defense mechanism

August 23, 2011


The biggest pattern to prepare for is splitting. This book’s title, Splitting, has a double meaning. The first is obvious: splitting up. The second meaning refers to a defense mechanism universally seen in people with BPD and NPD. It means unconsciously seeing people as either all good or all bad, an extreme way of coping with confusion, anxiety, and mixed feelings. Splitting is especially prevalent under stress, particularly the stress of breaking up with someone the BPD or NPD partner views as critical to his or her emotional survival. People who split in this manner put their partners on pedestals and then knock them down.

Perhaps you are familiar with this pattern. In the beginning of your relationship, your partner may have idolized you, and vice versa. Now that you’re involved in a separation and divorce, your partner sees you as all bad to the extreme and may act abusively or make numerous false statements. This is an unconscious effort to cope with the emotions of loss of attachment to you (typical of people with BP traits), loss of an inflated self-image (typical of people with NP traits), and loss of control (typical of both). This is true, whether you or your partner is the one initiating the separation.

Excerpted from Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, therapist, and divorce mediator, and Randi Kreger, co-author of the BPD classic Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way. Turn to this guide to help you; predict what your spouse may do or say in court, take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking, choose a lawyer who understands your case, learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you.

Splitting…BUY NOW!

Our Price: $17.95

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